WARNING – RANT AHEAD
Like several million people in this country I am a car driver. Unlike several million people in this country I know how to drive a car. There’s a difference. And, as far as I’m concerned, about 75% of other drivers on the road should be in silly little cars which keep backfiring, forcing all the doors to fall off, and wearing silly wigs, big red noses and size 18 shoes. You BUNCH OF FUCKING CLOWNS!!!
Here’s a little lesson on what some of the funny knobs and dials are for on your dashboard : You know those funny little sticks which protrude from around the steering wheel? Guess what – they’re actually NOT for hanging things on! When you twist them they do some pretty amazing things. For example, one of them makes little lights flash on the front, back and sometimes even the side of your car! THESE ARE NOT DISCO EFFECT LIGHTS WHICH FLASH IN TIME TO THE MUSIC YOU ARE PLAYING – FAR TOO FUCKING LOUDLY BY THE WAY. They are there so you can tell other people where you are going! I know! What a revolutionary idea!
Now, I know your next question – Why should you want to let anyone else know where you’re going? That’s your business, right? WRONG. For example, if you see, let’s say for the sake of argument ME, waiting to cross a busy road the other side of a roundabout and you are indicating to carry on round the roundabout and then decide, without switching off your indicators, to actually leave the roundabout with out any warning at all you may well find that I am halfway across the road in front of you. This is NOT the point where you sound your horn and gesticulate wildly at me in an aggressive manner. No. Because that makes you like like an UTTER TWAT, an ARSEHOLE and a RETARD. Got it? TWAT!
Actually that’s happened before. The last time some massive tit tried to murder me was during the summer. This car draws up to a junction I am about to cross, not signalling, so I assume it’s going straight on. I step out and the wanker turns directly towards me and nearly has both my bastard feet off. As he passed I leaned into his open passenger side window and said “You know your indicators are broken mate?”. Ignorant fucker chased me down the street screaming incoherant swear words at me. Some people just can’t take a bit of gentle criticism.
I’m goint to open the Crapsack School of Motoring. If you don’t come up to scratch and show a bit of COMMON FUCKING SENSE I’ll have both your bastard HANDS off at the WRIST. Ha.
RANT OVER
PREDICTABLE VIDEO FOLLOWS…
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