Archive for October, 2008


No, not a Halloween type reference, I refer instead chilling as in ‘chill out, man’. So, maybe that should be Chillin’? No, I can’t even PRETEND to be that hip…

Sarcasm aside, I am currently bored with whinging on about the sorry state of the world, so I’d like you all to know just how relaxed and happy I am today.

Sure, I’ve got issues, baggage and problems just like everyone else but right now the problems can all go hang. I’m enjoying a perfect cup of tea, with a chocolate doughnut. The most delicious yeasty aroma is drifting through the house from the breadmaker. In a few minutes I’m gonna sink into a deep, hot bath with a beer and some music. Ouside the leaves are a million shades of gold, inside the lighting is turned down low as the evening slowly creeps across us, I’ll probably keep it low all evening, nicer that way.

Plans for tonight? None. Eat, write, read, maybe watch some TV (nothing I really want to see though), diddle around with the dog for a while, take it easy.

See, this is how I like things sometimes, totally undemanding. My time is my own, I don’t have to get up for anything in particular in the morning and the weather’s getting colder and darker so I don’t feel guilty if I stay indoors all day. The next few weeks are going to be very hard work, but that doesn’t begin yet so why worry until it does? Right now it’s time to put the feet up, light the pipe, draw the strings tight on the velvet housecoat and call up the escort agency…

Hang on, I slipped into a different dimension there. Think I’d better just stick with the tea and the bath.



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(50 kudos points to anyone who knows the song those lyrics are from)


It’s been a tough few weeks here on the duckpond – and now it looks like it’s about to freeze over. Ho hum, these things are sent to try us… etc etc I will try and keep posting as regularly as possible and hopefully there won’t be any more lengthy breaks in transmission while I sort a few ‘life’ things out. Bloody life, always getting in the way.

Today I want to talk about signs. Specifically ‘No Smoking’ signs. It has become normality at last that smokers are now treated like the evil scum that they are in the UK (I must add at this point that I count myself among the scum, it is an evil, dirty, life-destroying habit. Sadly, I enjoy it too much at the moment to stop so stick that in your pipe and… no, better not, you’ll end up as addicted as I am)

So, we cannot smoke anywhere now except in the nicotine fog-enshrouded comfort of our own homes. This is well known. If I even so much as drop a butt in the street I stand a chance of being fined. And yet, wherever I go – public transport, shops, offices, workplaces – there are signs everywhere. NO SMOKING (and usually a little picture of a fag with a big red crossed circle round it)


How fucking dim are we considered to be? Yeah, ok, it’s stupid to inhale burning tobacco leaves, WE KNOW THIS. How could we possibly have missed that fact? It’s drummed into us from birth now. I was a rabid anti-smoker until I was 22 years old, having been totally indoctrinated into the healthy lifestyle brigade. Then a family tragedy left me briefly confused about the world and I went and bought a packet of Silk Cut one day. Never looked back, I can tell you.

Now, I know full well all these new restrictions are a good thing. When I was a non smoker I hated those bastards who smoked in cinemas, shops etc (Ah yes, those were the days!) and the cessation of that selfishness is fine by me, I can even sit through hours of drivel like the Lord of the Rings movies without nipping outside for a frantic gasper. I am an ‘educated smoker’ (still not educated quite enough to stop though)

I have come to believe that these ever-present little notices actually have nothing at all to do with the smokers themselves. They are there entirely for the benefit of non-smokers, it gives them a little thrill, a little frisson of pleasure to know that the evil ones are constantly having the finger wagged at them whichever way they turn. If someone exceptionally thick actually has the nerve to light up on a bus, for example, nothing needs to be said. All it takes is a clearing of the throat and a finger waved in the direction of the little red sign and the non-smoker has spoken and is vindicated. Even as they are falling off the bus with a lit cigarette embedded in their left ear, burning end first, they can take some small satisfaction from the fact that THEY ARE RIGHT!

So, now I walk the streets like the bad dog that I am, looking for a shop that might sell me a portable ashtray with fag-end compartment, my very own poop-scoop. I know I should quit, we all know that. Who knows, one day I might actually make the decision to do so, if I’m not forced to by some life-threatening condition in the meantime. But for now I will continue destroying MY lungs in whichever manner I see fit.

What a twat.


This is irrelevant to the above post, I just love it! There are some obscure lyrical connections to things going on in my life at the moment which will mean absolutely nothing to anyone but me. THAT’S how SELFISH I am! Enjoy…

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Quick Quack

Sorry… the duck has temporarily flown… but will return…

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